May 2013
35 posts
satans-fabulous-blog: morphingly: brightredkettle: are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.
May 22nd
208,900 notes
‎*Mom hands me phone to answer*
Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.
May 22nd
91,308 notes
May 22nd
5,733 notes
rotomfrost: I M LAUGHING SO HARD AT HTIS GIF HOLY FUCLK
May 22nd
45,199 notes
May 22nd
40 notes
May 22nd
41,148 notes
May 20th
142,750 notes
May 20th
197,743 notes
May 20th
13,883 notes
May 20th
58,731 notes
May 17th
154,519 notes
1 tag
LIFE HACK
asap-tran: really-shit: If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you. fuck
May 17th
115,248 notes
May 17th
1,509 notes
May 17th
10,985 notes
2 tags
May 16th
35,682 notes
May 16th
916 notes
May 16th
64,700 notes
May 15th
59,915 notes
May 14th
793 notes
May 14th
63,624 notes
May 14th
125,583 notes
May 11th
56,984 notes
spelling bee moderator: contestant 142, your word is “fergalicious”
contestant: *looks around nervously* um… could i please have a definition?
moderator: *flips through dictionary* “fergalicious. definition: make them boys go loco.”
May 11th
23 notes
1 tag
May 6th
113,012 notes
May 6th
92,839 notes
purgatorystuck: Mi papá tiene 47 años= my dad is 47 years old Mi papa tiene 47 anos= my potato has 47 assholes I love spanish
May 3rd
145,668 notes
May 3rd
194,791 notes
May 3rd
5,851 notes
May 3rd
265,665 notes
May 3rd
9,687 notes
May 3rd
70,114 notes
May 2nd
124,198 notes
May 2nd
45,361 notes
flawlesstrueperfection: you’re a 10? on the pH scale maybe cuz u basic
May 2nd
143,289 notes
May 1st
62,240 notes
April 2013
30 posts
Apr 28th
36,044 notes
6 tags
Apr 27th
1 note
Apr 27th
1,041 notes
Apr 27th
12,959 notes
Apr 26th
498 notes
saybyebyepond: I always see posts about people talking about how tampon and pads ads have girls on beaches and things like that. And yet in Australia we have really ridiculous advertisements for sanitary products that have girls running around doing shit and this guy I must learn more australian culture.
Apr 23rd
78,456 notes
Apr 20th
93,705 notes
Apr 20th
32,680 notes
Apr 20th
8,715 notes
Apr 18th
269,445 notes
Apr 18th
378 notes
3 tags
christmasinfiltration: Can’t post on facebook asking if anyone wants to go to the park because I will get unwanted answers. can’t post on twitter because this guy that I think is into me would say he was interested.  and only a couple people i know in real life follow me on tumblr so that doesn’t help. and you know what i don’t think there are very many people I would actually want to go to...
Apr 18th
2 notes
Apr 17th
42,064 notes
Apr 17th
17,223 notes
Apr 17th
68,830 notes